You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
