The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
