Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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