Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
