Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
