Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
