Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
