I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
