he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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