At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize