I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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