She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
