i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize