How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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