just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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