Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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