he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
