Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
