How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
