Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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