I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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