rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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