She is in my trunk
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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