This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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