i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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