Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
