he thought i was a dude.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
