I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
