This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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