I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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