My sheets look like a crime scene.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
