I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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