Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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