Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
