haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
