I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
