the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
