I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
