may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I still have a little drunk in my system
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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