is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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