you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
