Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize