well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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