god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
