Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
