last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
