You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
