Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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