I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
