Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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