who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
