I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
