I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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