Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
