dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
His nipple licking is glorious
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