So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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