Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
