jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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