I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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