why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
