I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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