So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
