i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
