I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize