At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
