I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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