Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
