you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
