I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its liver damage thursday
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
