Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
