this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
