So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
