i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
