there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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