I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
