just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
