I think my fart just growled at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
