And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
