He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
