My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
