doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
