Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I fill condoms, not promises.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
