I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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