If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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