K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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