Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
