it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I love you. Go after that dick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
