I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
