The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
