i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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